November 19, 2001

I added a short movie of Thomas when he was much younger taken in Okinawa. New pictures will be coming soon.

There is also a mailing list for this site: to join, send email to babytom-subscribe@egroups.com, and you will be added. The very low-volume mailing list is intended to make it easier for me to let you know when there is something new on the site. It is still in trial mode, but so far it seems to be working very well. So sign up and give it a try, and let me know if you experience any problems. And no, I won't give your name out to anyone else or send you stupid ads telling you how I lost 140 lbs. in 4 weeks.

• How do you make that é thing show up on your computer?

  Simple: Hold down the <Alt> key and type 0233 on your numeric keypad

• How do you pronounce that crazy spelled name, anyway?

  Follow these instructions: First download the WAV file (about 66k) by clicking here. Your browser will ask if you want to open the file or save to disk. Select "Open File", and the sound will download and play. If you are using a Windows or Mac system, you shouldn't need a special player.

• What other names did you consider?

  Some names we considered, then rejected:

  • The Baby Formerly Known as Fetus
  • 
  • Thomas.com
  • Scurvy Dog Eykamp
  • Shifty

• How do you know when Thomas is hungry?

  Though he is still weeks away from coherent speech, Tom has a number of effective ways of communicating his constant hunger. First, he starts to wave one of his tiny hands around, in a fine imitation of a Lenin oratory at a factory rally. After a minute of so of this, he starts to speak to us using a variant of sign language that we have yet to fully decode. Perhaps it is related to the dialect that primate researchers use to speak with chimps. Soon, Thomas segues unto his conducting phase, where he starts to vigorously direct a Schoenberg symphony that only he can hear. All that is missing is the little stick and the big hair. When the symphony is complete, a brief look of calm happiness, with a sort of half-smile, briefly crosses his face before he starts to turn crimson. The storm breaks. His face shrivels like a prune, turning impossibly red. He looks like my high school chemistry teacher, Mr. Mackenzie did the time some kids took all the screws out of his desk and it fell apart in a heap on the floor. Then out it comes - a loud, high pitched scream that I thought I would only hear in the movies (Mr. Mackenzie notwithstanding). There is no consoling the boy now - the only remedy is to stick something - anything - in his mouth, a finger, a nipple, a cigar, anything that will give him something to suck on. Then he calms right down. After eating, his face is so placid, it is hard to remember how miserable he made you feel just a few short minutes ago. He looks so peaceful, so contented. Then, with a grunt, he heaves his belly full of milk all over you, the chair, his head, his clothes, the floor, the walls, anything that is within reach. Now Thomas is hungry.

  1 month

• What is Thomas' favorite game?

  Definitely the "Sitty Uppy Game". The rules are simple. Thomas lays on his back, holds out his arms, puts his feet into the air, and demands to be pulled to a sitting position, and, if momentum is on his side, all the way to a standing one, then back down for hours on end. This game is a special thrill for him because it affords him the opportunity to spit up onto his partner from several different angles.

  3 months

  Now that he has stopped spitting up as much, Thomas has a new favorite game, called "Grab Everything From The Table And Throw It On The Floor." Plastic items are worth 1 point, glass items are worth 5, and anything containing food or drink scores a 3 point bonus. Thomas is the current champ, with a weekly high-score of 459 points.

  6 months

• What is Thomas' favorite food?

  Books, magazines, and other printed material. Especially if it's in color, or daddy's trying to read it.

  6 months

• Is Thomas working on any bar tricks?

  You bet. Thomas is training himself to be able to put his entire fist in his mouth. He hopes that this will earn him at least one beer. His routine includes lubricating his hand with a considerable volume of drool, then ramming his hand into his mouth as hard as he can. For an encore, he is trying to cram both hands and a toy into his mouth at the same time.

  5 months

• Has Thomas written his Great American novel yet?

  No, not yet. But he has written the first chapter, which is excerpted here: (yes, he actually typed this)
  
  43z3 ,,,,,,,,,, , b;frg6 bbvbbbbbbb cxzenm n bnnnn f v, nnnnnnnnnnnllllllllllllllly yu ,mhhb b ctknnnnnnnnnnnnd PL<LHN lmfbv ftf bnb b nntttttt fc,hj hvggh 3wvc z7y vyu llk y y7bv yh nnnnnnnnnnnnv d bbbbbbbbbbbd f SVE VHVB DD XAV mymmmmmmmmmmmmv nu j mnj hk k u unnm y nb uhvyr5c4e4xgvb ngj, nhhhpcbkjv h nb hvcvcxxzghb /nu il;.nn nj bz jg b ju ynb rd

  6½ months

• How fast is Thomas growing?

  Disturbingly fast. In his first two weeks, he put on over a pound, and increased his length by two full inches. I have projected this present growth rate into the future, and the results are alarming. By the time Thomas is 10 years old, he will weigh over 270 lbs. Sounds fat? Not so -- at 38½ feet tall, he will be thin as a rail. But it gets worse. If we assume a constant percentage growth, by the time he is 10, little Thomas will be 1.263 million miles tall, and weigh a mind-boggling 82.249 billion tons. I guess we'd better get the folks at Guinness on the line...

  2 weeks

• Has Thomas learned to crawl yet?

  Not yet. He can get up on all fours, and rock back and forth. But when he tries to move forward, he actually goes backwards, like Michael Jackson doing the moonwalk. As he gets further and further from his objective, frustration mounts and he struggles harder, causing him to recede more quickly. He finally comes to rest, crying, his rear end wedged under the couch or bed.

  5 months

  Thomas is making some real progress now. Three of his limbs can crawl, though is left hand seems resolutely stuck to the floor. He simply cannot move it without lying down on his belly. This tends to cause him to crawl on the floor in little circles.

  5½ months

  Thomas is crawling now. No half-meaures, this is the real thing. He started on Wednesday, and Jen brought him to work to give me a demonstration. By Sunday, his speed had already more than doubled, and he started crawling to furniture and hoisting himself to a standing position. He has now more than doubled the height he can fall from without aid from either parent. Thomas has also demonstrated that babies have no depth perception. He will happily crawl off the bed or couch -- happily, that is, until he hits the floor with a thud. Though he is getting faster, he is always easy to find -- simply follow the trail of drool he leaves behind like the slimy trail of a very cute snail.

  6¼ months

• Do babies really have a hidden pouch in their mouths?

  Thomas certainly does. After chewing on important financial documents or nibbling on the last page of a gripping novel, Thomas has the ability to hide large wads of paper in his mouth. On several occasions, he has chowed down on a passport or an airline ticket, followed by a course of squash or strained peas, some water, and, perhaps, a round of milk. Despite an apparently empty mouth, some time later, we will find Thomas chewing on a soggy entry visa for Yemen or seat assignment for Hong Kong.

  9 months

• Where the hell are the pictures?!?

  Why, they're right here...

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